you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
