So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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