i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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