I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
