i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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