five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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