omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
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You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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