i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
