this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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