I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
