just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
