Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
