I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
