just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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