Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
