Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
