Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We left the knife in your bed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
