The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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