I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sext me about skeletons
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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