I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
