Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
