I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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