so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
