and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
