Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
