I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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