the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize