I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
