dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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