All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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