when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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