I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
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I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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