Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
