I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
