So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
