today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
