Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
