ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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