I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
