i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
