Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
