i permit you to call me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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