Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
