I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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