I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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