she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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