i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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