It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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