The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
