I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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