I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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