I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
