And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
