You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
