im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
