My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
