If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
