i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
