is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
